how to make a guy commit

Image credit: Stuart Miles at

In my talks with women over 35 there is the side-effect that I get to hear a lot about their relationships.

Eventually I noticed that some patterns repeat quite often. These mistakes which women make in the early days of a relationship (and which will cost them a lot in the later stages) are what I would like to address in this post.

One would think that something that women over 35 most often get wrong is addressing a baby-making issue too soon.

I don’t think so.

As a matter of fact, I often get the impression that women wait a way too long, until they become stuck with a guy who never was interested in being a father on the first place.

My good friend M. (her real name does not start with M. and I will ask her to pick a name for one of the next posts) is a champion in getting all things related to guys wrong. That’s why I will take her as an example of what not to do and how to not behave if you are serious about finding a guy who will want to have a baby with you.

1. M. can’t change her dating pattern. For many years, she can’t find a single guy who would want to commit and really let her into his world.
She thinks it doesn’t matter if he won’t share things from his daily life with her. In my opinion, if a guy does not share himself, he is just not serious about that woman. If he does not let her into his world, his daily life, does not show vulnerability or emotions…I would personally run away.

2. If hesays he doesn’t want a relationship, for any reason (he just came out of a long relationship, he is too young or too old to commit, he’s having hard time in his life right now) …don’t fall for that. If you are reading this blog, chances are you’re a smart woman, meaning you’ve heard already that when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Contemplate on that until it feels true.
The next one has to do less with the guy and more with people in his environment.

3. He introduces you to his friends but he won’t introduce you to his family.
M. is again in an about a year-long relationship with a guy who wouldn’t introduce her to his mom. Although he talks to his mom daily and mom herself communicates often with his ex-girlfriend! And M. keeps finding excuses for both of them!
In M.’s previous relationships guys wouldn’t also not introduce her to his family, but she always showed understanding (his relatives lived in another country etc…) This time, everyone lives within a few miles apart from each other. Why does he not feel proud enough of her in order to introduce her to his mother? Or better still, why does she not make him feel proud for having her as a girlfriend?

4. M. finds it OK to make herself available for sex any time but her guy is sometimes not available for a simple text message for several days.Many women are relaxed about a guy not being available for a while and not letting her know he’s thinking about her during that time.

I don’t agree with this.

If a guy truly cares about you, he will make room for you in his life. Period.

In my opinion, women are a way too passive and insecure when dating and after the age of 35 and this can have bad consequences. That’s why my message is:

Don’t be too nice. Rock his world. Don’t make anything easy for him! Men need to know that what they’re investing in is worth their time and effort. So even if you run into an infertility issue with them later on, they will have strength to stay in the relationship and give their woman support.


Useful books about fertility and improving egg quality

Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health               HOW TO IMPROVE EGG QUALITY: The Smart Way to Get Pregnant               The Impatient Womans Guide to Getting Pregnant


What to eat and what to avoid to achieve maximal fertility:

Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health               Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar--Your Brains Silent Killers               The Gluten Connection: How Gluten Sensitivity May Be Sabotaging Your Health - And What You Can Do to Take Control Now               Mayo Clinic Going Gluten Free: Essential Guide to Managing Celiac Disease and Related Conditions