What are cycle buddies and fertility friends and why you should have one

---

 

If you’re going through a fertility treatment, most likely you don’t get to talk about it very much. Because infertility is still a taboo topic and in my opinion that will not significantly change at any point soon.

If the only person you discuss your TTC struggle with is your partner, then you should find at least one more human being in a situation similar to yours to give you support.

This person is often called “cycle buddy”.

How to countdown to pregnancy with a cycle buddy

Who is a cycle buddy? Do you really need one?

A cycle buddy is a very special person – she is an internet stranger who may soon come to know you better than your best friend.

With cycle buddies, you can share your fears and worries related to infertility and getting pregnant, without putting too much pressure on your regular friends, who may be in a different phase of life.

Women who are trying to conceive are sometimes just a bit too impatient about finally getting there.

Or undecided about whether to start a new tretment.

Or generally confused about what’s going on and why to them. So whether they need to be told a few sweet, optimistic lies or hear more truth and facts, having a cycle buddy somewhere in the Internet can really be helpful.

Search any serious fertility forum and you’ll realize how many women say that after only a couple of months, cycling buddies become more important to them than lifelong friends and close relatives. Because infertility is a struggle and a cycle buddy is your trusted war companion.

In my opinion, husbands cannot understand what they wifes feel while on hormones and in state of constant anticipation. And they should not be bothered with that.

If I had to go through any period of infertility again, I would involve my husband much less than I did.

Looking back, I’m not sure why my marriage survived passed that time and know that not all husbands would be that patient and understanding. Which reminds me on the article I found just last week, on how fertility treatments often help to consolidate relationships and that couples faced with infertility tend to stay together and not breaking up.

That’s where cycling buddies come into play. It’s simply someone who helps you not feel alone or left with a problem too big to cope with.

But how do you find a cycle buddy?

First of all, you may not find one at all for a while. Not every woman with a same diagnosis can become a friend and you should be ready to try it with a few different people. Like in real life, the best cycle buddy is not the person who best matches your diagnosis, but best matches your worries and anxieties.

It’s important to find the forum that you like and the thread that most closely corresponds to your TTC timing. The first step timing. Introduce yourself and ask if you can join. Don’t be shy. Be honest about your hopes and fears.

Don’t be surprised with the language most forum members use. I still remember how I was shocked by the many abbreviations and how they looked like a coding language for computers to me. The forums are filled with abbreviations (with time I learned how this has to do with detaching from problems and seeing them from a different perspective).

To give you some feeling how that works, let me remember a few of the most commonly used abbreviations: EC (egg collection), FET (frozen embryo transfer), EDD (estimated due date), 2WW (two week wait), DE (donor eggs), HPT (home pregnancy test), CD (cycle day), CM (cervical mucus), IUI (intra uterine insemination), MC (miscarriage), TTC (trying to conceive), BBT (basal body temperature), BCP (birth control pills), DOR (diminished ovarian reserve), ICSI (intra cytoplasmic sperm injection), IF (infertility), OW (overweight), LSP (low sperm count), BFN (big fat negative), PCO (polycystic ovaries), LMP (last menstrual period), and PG (pregnant)…

It is not rare that cycling buddies develop real long-lasting friendships. After all, they do share the most intimate details of each other’s lives. So whether you want to continue communicating and posting once you cycle ends, it is really up to you.

My recommendation: Make a special place in your heart for a cycle buddy, and keep her there even after the treatment is over.